But yeah, when ’survivor’ feels appropriate for women that’s great. Otherwise I write ‘women who have been raped’ – because we are women before we are raped, and I think that phrase, although clumsy catches the acted upon nature.

RE: the sexual assault comments though – the problem for me is not the association between ’sex’ and rape – because I still believe that rape is what it is because too many men sexualise power, so sex IS intrinsic to rape. The problem for me is that sexual assault makes it sound like just another kind of assault. And of course rape is violence….but I think the fulcrum of male power rests on male appropriation of women’s sexuality…so I don’t believe rape is just another kind of violence. I believe it is more fundamental than that. A kind of defining act of male oppression or something. A refuge for men who cannot be as powerful as they believe they have the right to be – and who become that powerful through rape precisely because they find that sexually exciting. A choice to be powerful in that instant, at that time. Or over those hours of planning beforehand. Mm.

Depressing.

Anyway, thanks for the post – words fail me often too – especially when I am trying to write respectfully and with truth.

I’ve thought a lot about the problems of ’survivor’ as well. Is it putting more pressure on women who have been raped. There’s this idea that there’s something shameful in the term ‘victim’ – I’m not sure that we shouldn’t be fighting that rather than accepting it. There should be nothing shameful in being victimised. Not that I’d force that label on anyone, as you say. More that we should question why it’s seen as problematic.

So often in the last few days I haven’t had any words either.